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The misadventures of a pint sized man.

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Which lane will it be….

Posted by Bill Prosperi on May 7, 2010

The other day at lunch with my co-workers, Don (@don_zielke follow him!)  and Derek, we started to talking about the ‘special’ drivers that grace our road ways.  I made a few comments and I apologize for those. But any way…..

The day before, while on my way home I had the joy of playing Frogger with a guy, obviously compensating, in an F150 while he decided to carry on a conversation on his phone while he enjoyed the scenery.  It was I-71 North in Columbus, Ohio, north of the Fairgrounds.  There is not much scenery to enjoy.  I know, I drive it 4 days a week, and almost every time I want to kiss the driveway when I get home.

I enjoy driving.  I do not enjoy having to watch out for my life.  During this discussion, the idea was brought up that the road way be divided up into lanes depending on the driver’s abilities.  I know that this will infringe on someone’s right to drive but last I looked, a drivers license was not guaranteed in the Constitution. Go ahead, check and let me know if I missed something.  I really don’t care about your feelings on this one.  I care about making it home in one piece.

Since some other places in the world have figured things out and have a tiered system for their driver’s licenses, we will do something similar.  We will actually go one step further, cause that is what we do.  Your tier will determine what lane you get to drive in.  That’s right, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Interstate System.

We will have a Left lane, Center lane, and a Right lane, just like normal. Don’t want to confuse too many people.  For the Left lane, I thought about giving this to the slow but safe drivers since they are always there anyway but decided to give them the center lane. They deserve it since they are not truly hurting anyone, just annoying us as they drive way below the legal limit.  If they were to have the Left lane, there is the chance that they could get squished as they merge into faster traffic. We do not want that.  The Left lane will be given to those of us that know what we are doing and pay attention while we drive, well aware of the world around us.  Those two were easy.

Finally, the Right lane.  I struggled with this some but decided to give it to those that think they are the only ones who exist on the road.  The main reason, it puts them closer to the exit ramps.  One knows that they are going to wait until the last possible second to take the exit anyway.  Also, we do not want them to attempt cutting through traffic while talking on their phone and playing a game on their new iPad.  We do not want them to miss out on their new high score for Zombie Cats from Outer Space while finding out what a jerk Robbie is or what a << explicative>> Jenny is.  And heaven forbid they not be able to update their Facebook status to let their friends know they are on they way and just took the 161 exit and will be there in just a few.  While I love technology, there is a time and a place for it.  Doing 80 mph down the Interstate is not it.

I know the three of us are not the only ones who think this and I know in reality this would not work out well.  But one has to admit, it is a good idea, yes?

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2 Responses to “Which lane will it be….”

  1. I think your opinions are quite interesting, I enjoy reading what you write. Hope to hear more from you. Subscribed.

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